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The Naughty Natal Report
            Interpretations of the humorous kind for:

                          Bill Clinton
                         August 19, 1946
                             8:51 AM
                         Hope, Arkansas

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                 This astrological analysis is based
                 on the following astrological data:

                 Sun       26 Leo 00
                 Moon      20 Tau 18
                 Mercury    7 Leo 36
                 Venus     11 Lib 07
                 Mars       6 Lib 21

                 Standard time observed
                 GMT: 14:51:00   Time Zone: 6 hours West

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Sun in Leo:

Leo: Key Words: How great thou Art! What more needs to be said?

  "I did it for you, what do you mean you won't do it for me?",
says the unappreciated Leo. That sums up the main
characteristics of the Leo native, except they need to
communicate without the use of a sledge hammer to bring their
point across.

   Positive attributes for Leo natives is that they don't carry
grudges in any situation, it is too much of an effort, instead
Leo's carry coolers full of party favors around with them at all
times, just in case an opportunity for fun and amusement comes
up, and oh yes, Leo's talk very loud. Leos hate to compete,
mainly because they are having too good a time and prefer doing
nothing. It's an automatic "You win, let's party" situation.

   Leo's will spend every dime they have and some they don't
have (on the old credit cards) to make an impression on this
weeks love God or Goddess. In some instances (more than not) the
Leo's search for romance and conquering proves very expensive,
and very unsatisfying, if at takes place at all! The Leo male
will find it amazing that they bring candy, flowers and all the
niceties on a date or other informal setting and don't score, or
their expectations are shot down, and then the same object of
this Leo's affections will go out with the first person who
mistreats them (figuratively) and maul them like a tigress
making love for the very first time. It just baffles the Leo
mind, but still he/she never gives up the persuit of whatever
they are pursuing?

   Typical male or female Leo careers can be found in Publishing
or TV productions (you know the one, come on up to my office and
read a script for me) and writing plays or movies.

   Marriage for the Leo male or female is like playing Russian
Roulette with a slight twist. In this case, all the chambers
have a bullet.

Moon in Taurus:

The Emotions - This is what I really need to be complete.

   The almighty dollar is their weakness, it makes them strong,
needed, and gives them a strong sense of power over others. A
real stubbornness exists with people with Moon in Taurus that
simply must have the last word in any conversation and, cannot
stop or give in to any situation even though they know they are
dead wrong . . . . "I know money is what I need, I'm insecure!"
says the typical Taurean, "and I hate to charge you anything at
all for my services", "But that will be $35. just the same."

   If you want to see a Moon in Taurus native blow a fuse and
have an emotional breakdown (which isn't probable under normal
circumstances), give them two things to do at the same time and
tell them you need them both, yesterday, or see if they can
juggle and chew gum at the same time. You'll probably get the
reply "Do you want me to chew gum, or juggle, now make up your
mind!" Just for a laugh, tell this Moon in Taurus native you are
going to make a change in their job description. Lead it off
with "To Include: In addition to your present job, the list that
follows:" Ah, the panic in their minds as gears change, brain
cells snap, the eyes go buggy and around in circles, and
"terror" rattles the nervous system, then, the inevitable
cigarette goes into the mouth, like a pacifier.

   The Moon in Taurus's emotions tend to be steady, just like
making bank deposits week after week, after week, easy does it!
Yes, we are secure now, and we're feeling much better, thank
you! You can always tell an emotionally unhappy Moon in Taurus
person because they always wind up with sore throats or problems
with the throat, or have their heads buried in the cookie jar
and any form of sweets.

   The typical Moon in Taurus native is very practical, and uses
instinct in emotional situations. This means, that if it feels
good, and they can profit by it, they'll do it, no matter what
the task!

   Moon in Taurus natives never rush into love, for love to them
is like moldy cheese in the refrigerator, just waiting to be
thrown out because they just never got around to it. At that
very moment, they take notice of it. Courtships are not the Moon
in Taurus's style, because to them, it is just a bunch of
indians running around in circles. After awhile, they forget who
is who and why. Moon in Taurus natives don't commit easily, and
when they do, they should be committed, literally. In other
words, some people find committments give strength to
relationships, but Moon in Taurus people see it as a sign of

Mercury in Leo:

  Mercury represents the thought process and what the mind sends
to the body. Mercury rules how we communicate, what we talk
about, and what we think about. Bearing that in mind, here is
what they are apt to think and talk about.

  These people have the ability to write and talk to other
people who aren't there, and this is the person who can play act
a part with or without a partner. "Oh to be me, for all the
world to see!"

  Remember in the Wizard of Oz and the Tin Man who wanted a
brain? Enough said! They must learn to exercise their mind some,
in other words start using it.

  These natives are the authors of the unabridged version of:"
My mouth is open. I will utter something, and you will admire
and adore me". Mercury in Leo people can be best described as
"The Phony, trying to push Bologna!"

  For Mercury in Leo people, love takes place in the mind, but
falls short in the physical, leaving you exhausted and
frustrated. In their mind however, they  had a great time and
feel that their partner should say it was great as well. After
all, she/he was there too! Or were they?

  A story is just a story, but with a little exaggeration mixed
with a little accentuation and a whole lot of imagination, and
it is not a story anymore. It becomes an event, an adventure, a
metaphor of meadow muffins, and a downright hilarious one at
that!  I should know for it is I, the author of this satirical
interpretation who has spent long hours putting together this
mindless piece of artwork. I am a gosh darned one man show, with
the applauds, the thank you's, and the endless speeches with no
one else around. I think it makes for fun reading though, don't
you? Well, what do you know anyway? On with the show!

Venus in Libra:

  Venus defined is: Romance, the action that brings
satisfaction. Food, flowers, little chubby people shooting
arrows, fertility, and lots of groveling. Here is how the art of
love is interpreted by this placement of Venus:

  Never come home and say to this person, "Gee, the house looks
great!, but you look a bit frumpy!". This will start Niagara
Falls flowing.

  Expect to find the Venus in Libra home rearranged. . . .

  They have a talent for nastiness, and can swear so fluently
that it frightens everyone. To be fair, there are those who hate
coarse behavior. In this instance, body slamming isn't a turn
on, and a gentler approach should be sought. Try dipping them in
chocolate and let nature take its course. This sign must be
careful with chocolates, sweets and excessive sex, as it weakens
the kidneys. More water must be ingested to keep them in tip top

  Harmony in courtship and marriage is extremely important to
the Venus in Libra. Remember you can't seduce them with heavy
rock music playing in the background because you may wind up
with a very nervous lover.

  These people look for relationships that are bonded, like
cement, and impossible to get out of unless you disrupt the aura
around them (sorry, didn't mean to get esoteric).

  Venus in Libra is another air sign which means that you have
to go to the cloud they live on to communicate. Just be careful
where you step though, it is a long way down. They need mental
stimulation so try saying "I love you" in many different voices
until you find one that strikes their fancy. Dirty movies live
in the realm of mental stimulation, so try a Dirty Harry movie
or some pornographic facsimile.

  Venus in Libra people may be attracted to older lovers at some
point, especially if they have money. They love money as it
represents security, and if your intended is much older, then
they won't have to wait long to inherit. It's boorish, cruel and
the truth. On the other hand, you can be attracted to VERY young
ones as well. Here is where the phrase "robbing" the baby
carriage came from.

  These people have a great sense of hearing. You must be
careful when you talk about them because they invented the
saying "The Walls Have Ears".

Mars in Libra:

  Mars defined: "Its get down and dirty time". Raw passions
unleashed upon suspecting and non suspecting persons. Actions
desiring prompt and equal reactions of any kind. To get very
specific, this is how this great bundle of energy is used in the
personal natal chart. This is how that energy interacts with
their surroundings.

  Rulership is mine says this placement of Mars. You need a
partner who is open to love making adventures, like diving off a
cliff or having sex in the path of an approaching speedboat.
This is true excitement!

  At other times they are so considerate of their romantic
partner, that they will sit down with them and fill out a
questionnaire of likes and dislikes, turn ons and turnoffs,
times, dates and places. How sweet and considerate, and a true
description of Mars in Libra.

  These people must have their own way with this position of
Libra. They swing like the scales, an easy going pain in the
neck. They can be kind and gentile, or drive you off the road in
their car. If this person would ever learn that anger isn't the
answer and adopt an attitude of waiting, the desired outcome
will come to pass, but no, they've got to take matters into
their own hands screwing up the works. Well, see if I care then!

  Oddly enough, a lousy marriage is like spiritual awareness in
the final examination of things for these natives. They are very
intuitive people and must learn to be aggressive and humble
equally. In other words learn when to act and when to shut up!

  This placement has all the intimacy of two people running
towards each other without their feet ever touching the ground.
Think about it, it will come to you. Here is the person who is
able to make love to an illusion, or some reasonable facsimile.

  They have a talent for nastiness, and can swear so fluently
that is frightens everyone.
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