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The Naughty Natal Report
            Interpretations of the humorous kind for:

                        Vanessa Williams
                         March 18, 1963
             10:30 AM [Precise birth time not known]
                    Tarrytown, Westches., NY 










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                 This astrological analysis is based
                 on the following astrological data:

                 Sun       27 Pis 19
                 Mercury   15 Pis 58
                 Venus     16 Aqu 32
                 Mars       5 Leo 21

                 Standard time observed
                 GMT: 15:30:00   Time Zone: 5 hours West

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Sun in Pisces:

Pisces - Key Words: Perfecting the Art of Masochism &
     Compassion. Kind of a "Do your worst to me, I
     can take it attitude" while signing their
     will over to you.

   A typical Pisces patient having an internal at the Doctor's
office. "I said more pain! I deserve it and I want it now!".
Pisces uses the Phrase "I Love you" like people inquiring if you
put on clean underwear in case you were in an accident. It has
no meaning, it just seems like the natural thing to say.

   Don't be alarmed if a Pisces puts you under verbal attack, it
is just their way of asking you to excuse them, because they
either have something better to do, or someone to do it with.
Then again, they may just want to be alone, and a front line
verbal attack assures that the insult will justify you leaving.

   Pisces is the most giving person in the Zodiac, and to prove
it, they will give to you, and you and you!

   Lovemaking is the ultimate space vehicle for Pisces, as they
can get lost in it for hours.

   Of all the signs in the Zodiac, Pisces are the ones who have
the broadest beliefs of all. Astrology, Tarot, Telepathy,
Witchcraft, extraterrestrials, tea leaves, pendulum dowsing,
pyramids, astral travel, out of body experiences, Nostradamus, &
Bermuda Triangle just to name a few. Communication with trees,
fruit, dolphins, and grass are just a few of the Pisces fan
club.

   When people tell a Pisces native to get lost, they can do so
very easily as they slip into their own fantasy world, they
don't even have to physically move or go somewhere else,. . .
they're gone! Moods come over them like the changing of the
tides. A great many Pisces have experienced a difficult birth,
mainly because they took a peek out of the womb and didn't like
what they saw. I can't actually blame them!

   Pisces people have perfected the art of lying to such a
degree that by simply opening their mouths, miles and miles of
cosmic ca-ca emerges with the clarity of pure water. That is the
only thing pure about it however. Pisceans have the exceptional
ability NOT to be able to handle money at all, and in the
workplace they are the drifters, who may be working today, or
hanging out on skid row tomorrow. They have also perfected the
art of making the same mistakes over and over again. Pisceans
just like to suffer.

   Like the Aquarian counterpart, Pisceans have the capacity to
drink entirely too much.

  The Pisces memory for the most part is slow. Like the Gemini
native, a Pisces can go out on a date in their car and return
home on a boat, having no idea that they didn't leave on a boat
to begin with.

Mercury in Pisces:

  Mercury represents the thought process and what the mind sends
to the body. Mercury rules how we communicate, what we talk
about, and what we think about. Bearing that in mind, here is
what they are apt to think and talk about.

   These people are highly poetic and psychic and music will
have a strong effect on them. Be careful of the ever popular
"Moody syndrome" and making left turns into negativity.

   Some other goodies located in this sign is being a wee bit
too over sensitive and easily hurt. Try to avoid resentment if
possible, if not, avoid it anyway.

   Here is the last person on earth that would rather talk about
lovemaking than do it. They are not intimate if they don't feel
like it, there ain't no two doubts about it. Lovemaking can be a
burden for them if done too much, so they must try to do it in
moderation and use the rest of the time to slaughter cattle,
rebuild engines or work on aircraft.

   They don't need to be "in" a relationship all the time, but
should they turn over in bed and there is someone there, what
the heck.

Venus in Aquarius:

  Venus defined is: Romance, the action that brings
satisfaction. Food, flowers, little chubby people shooting
arrows, fertility, and lots of groveling. Here is how the art of
love is interpreted by this placement of Venus:

   Venus in Aquarius has all of the emotional satisfaction of an
ice cube down your pants, which by the way has the same results
for these people. They have no scruples in romance or lovemaking
and will go after anything that walks, talks, or crawls with the
emotions of a snowman that even the sun cannot melt.

   This native also has the capacity to make rehearsed and
prerecorded sounds while making love. As an example: "Oh baby,
oh yes baby, do it now, oh yes baby". Don't put any emotions
into it while you read it, just read it, then you have the
emotions.

   Commitments for Venus in Aquarius are limited to hello, and
goodbye. "Oh look, someone new to play with until something more
interesting comes along".

   Foreplay and emotional response for this sign is best
illustrated by reading a book while making love, or instead of
it making the same sounds associated with the sexual act.

   There was an old story that I heard a long time ago that
illustrates this native to a "T". "If I should fall asleep while
we are making love, please pull my nightgown down". It's coarse
and uncouth I agree, but accurate.

Mars in Leo:

  Mars defined: "Its get down and dirty time". Raw passions
unleashed upon suspecting and non suspecting persons. Actions
desiring prompt and equal reactions of any kind. To get very
specific, this is how this great bundle of energy is used in the
personal natal chart. This is how that energy interacts with
their surroundings.

  If you want to bore this Mars in Leo person to death, insist
on foreplay. "What do you mean you won't make love to me? I took
you to dinner and a show! What else do you want, a carriage ride
through Central Park?"

  Once in the boudoir, they pounce on their prey like the Lions
that they are, and with the finesse of Dracula, go right for the
neck. Boy! are they off by a country mile. They can really make
a mockery of love making and destroy the bed in the process.

  Heart trouble can plague these people, so make sure that you
have the commanding position while making love or you may get
crushed in the heat of the moment.

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