EroScope

for

Clooney, George

Text by Astrolabe Inc.

Software by Ray White

Planetary Positions

Planet Sign Longitude Declination

q Sun is in s Taurus 15` 32' 57" +16` 30' 00"

w Moon is in v Capricorn 27` 58' 20" -17` 42' 00"

e Mercury is in s Taurus 20` 45' 06" +18` 30' 00"

r Venus is in a Aries 13` 04' 16" + 6` 44' 00"

t Mars is in g Leo 0` 08' 43" +21` 54' 00"

y Jupiter is in b Aquarius 6` 33' 38" -18` 59' 00"

u Saturn is in v Capricorn 29` 50' 45" -20` 14' 00"

i Uranus is in g Leo 21` 40' 36" +14` 59' 00"

o Neptune is in x Scorpio 9` 47' 41" -13` 01' 00"

p Pluto is in h Virgo 5` 34' 06" +21` 27' 00"

l N. Node is in h Virgo 2` 42' 26" +10` 31' 00"

j Ascendant is in n Pisces 11` 57' 37" - 7` 05' 00"

k Midheaven is in c Sagittarius 19` 50' 00" -23` 03' 00"

$ Chiron is in n Pisces 6` 07' 32" - 4` 01' 00"

Planetary Aspects

q Sun is A Conjunct e Mercury The orb is 5` 12'

q Sun is S Opposite o Neptune The orb is 5` 45'

q Sun is G Sextile j Ascendant The orb is 3` 35'

w Moon is S Opposite t Mars The orb is 2` 10'

w Moon is A Conjunct y Jupiter The orb is 8` 35'

w Moon is A Conjunct u Saturn The orb is 1` 52'

w Moon is Z Semisquare j Ascendant The orb is 1` 01'

e Mercury is D Square i Uranus The orb is 0` 55'

e Mercury is V Quincunx k Midheaven The orb is 0` 55'

r Venus is C Semisextile j Ascendant The orb is 1` 07'

t Mars is S Opposite u Saturn The orb is 0` 18'

y Jupiter is D Square o Neptune The orb is 3` 14'

y Jupiter is V Quincunx p Pluto The orb is 1` 00'

y Jupiter is Z Semisquare k Midheaven The orb is 1` 44'

y Jupiter is C Semisextile $ Chiron The orb is 0` 26'

i Uranus is F Trine k Midheaven The orb is 1` 51'

o Neptune is G Sextile p Pluto The orb is 4` 14'

o Neptune is F Trine j Ascendant The orb is 2` 10'

o Neptune is F Trine $ Chiron The orb is 3` 40'

p Pluto is A Conjunct l N. Node The orb is 2` 52'

p Pluto is S Opposite j Ascendant The orb is 6` 24'

p Pluto is S Opposite $ Chiron The orb is 0` 33'

l N. Node is S Opposite $ Chiron The orb is 3` 25'

$ Chiron is A Conjunct j Ascendant The orb is 5` 50'

Emphasis in Elements

Fire : rtik Total = 4 Weighted Score = 8

Earth : qweupl Total = 6 Weighted Score = 11

Air : y Total = 1 Weighted Score = 1

Water : oj$ Total = 3 Weighted Score = 4

Emphasis in Modes

Cardinal : wru Total = 3 Weighted Score = 6

Fixed : qetyio Total = 6 Weighted Score = 10

Mutable : pljk$ Total = 5 Weighted Score = 8

Weights Used Above

Sun = 3 Moon = 3 Mercury = 2 Venus = 2

Mars = 2 Jupiter = 1 Saturn = 1 Uranus = 1

Neptune = 1 Pluto = 1 N. Node = 1 Ascendant = 3

Midheaven = 3 Chiron = 0

[Disclaimer: Rated NC-17
If you are looking for a romantic, lovey-dovey astrology report, you won’t find it within these pages. Please keep in mind all of the kinky, spirited and feisty remarks you will read are only intended in the spirit of fun, and are only suggestions for ways to play and perhaps challenge your boundaries. Feel free to happily ignore all wet and salacious remarks that do not apply.]

Herein lies the Gate to your Sexual Self
Its scent is musky and its feel is moist. Its song is sweet and trembling, feverish and blinding, dark and tormenting, frigid and cold. If you read things here that furrow your brow, causing a crease that looks remarkably like a little man in a boat, this is a sign from the gods that you are about to learn something momentous! Brace your buttocks in your chair! Should you not be in the mood to knock on the limbic door of your inner brain, quickly shut this report! No one need ever know…

The Building Blocks Of Your Nature

Hedonistic!
You have a lot of planets in the earth signs in your chart (Virgo, Taurus, and/or Capricorn). Practical and loaded with common sense, and also with a heavy dusting of carnality, you revel in the senses. Sex is a voluptuous experience, like rolling in a mud puddle and getting slippery and wet and very lush. Foods, smells, and touch affect you deeply. While there may not be too much romanticism in your approach, your partner’s desires will not be wanting in the physical arena! You may tend to get stuck in ruts, and will need an imaginative partner to encourage you to try new positions or circumstances in the game of hot tamale sex.

Fresh and simple!
You don’t have very many planets in the air signs in your chart (Gemini, Libra, and/or Aquarius). With not much air, you receive lots of your knowledge intuitively, like Einstein, with the manual, cranking mental process actually blocking that great right brain flow. Rely on touch and feel and your intuition, to guide you and give you ideas on how to proceed sexually and otherwise. Deliberate, eyeball-crossing thinking will only slow down the works! Tune into your partner’s feelings and sensations and ideas that suddenly pop into your head and, using that as a gauge, increase or decrease the intensity of your sexual applications. You may not appreciate a partner who has steady conversation going on during sex. A brown paper bag over the head is a helpful tactic.

Your Scent is Perfectly Balanced and Aromatic.
You have planets evenly dispersed throughout the modalities. Fixed energy - steady, firm, regular – just like we wish our bowels would be; cardinal energy – self-starting, busy, pushy energy – too restless for real long term work, but great for enthusiasm and starting up; and mutable energy – flexible, adaptable, a real good worker bee. With these energies balanced in your chart, you are the perfect person. Everyone wants you! You have a nice balance of steadiness and solidity for long term relationships, enough aggression to pick up a hot, steamy piece of meat, and some nice flexibility for all those pretzel shapes and eccentric ideas a person may wish to investigate during a night of steamy lovemaking.

THE SIGN ON THE ASCENDANT: Your Animal Skin
The Ascendant in your chart, (otherwise known affectionately to this astrologer as “the Rising Sign”) is your own native animal skin you wear about your shoulders and through which you physically face the world. It is the sign that was spreading out its earthly influence all over the horizon, opening its legs and scenting you with its own musky peculiarities when you were born. This paints your personality with colorful symbols, richness and a certain vibratory chemistry.

“Excuse me while I slip into someone more comfortable.” Unknown

Your Animal Skin is in Pisces.
You are the sensitive, malleable lover, who places the lover on an exquisite pedestal of aquamarines and diamonds, glittering so it makes you blink and weep at the perfection. You will do whatever this angel wishes, matter how abusive or nasty, and always forgive. Thus you may end up in rather uncomfortable situations involving bondage, abuse, or occult domination. As you have a hard time opening your mouth to state your needs, no one really knows or cares what you want, because they get so much from taking advantage of your extreme kindness and eternal giving. Spiritually, you are the bodhisattva and are here to serve your brothers and sisters.

The Sun: That Radiating Warmth
You radiate heat, which warms up the birth chart where the Sun is placed like a honey-amber shaft of super-intelligence. It throbs and energizes everything it touches within the spectrum you call Yourself. To see how the Sun plays, fights and dances within the essence of You, look to the other planets and angles and the house where the Sun has taken up residence, to see what feverish and egocentric interactions are occurring in your baby cells.

When the energizing Sun powerfully connects (conjunctions), challenges (squares), and provokes (oppositions) the other planets, there is a tendency to energize the Sun in a vigorous manner so that your ego sits heavy and fat in the saddle. When the exuding Sun flows (trines) and supports (sextiles) the other planets, it gives warmth and confidence and a natural ebullience that can warm cold tootsies.

“Nature produces the greatest results with the simplest means.

These are simply the sun, flowers, water, and love.”

-Heinrich Heine

Your Warm, Radiating Sun is in Taurus
Your vital and energetic glow is earthy and slow. You like to ponder before acting, and you like to ponder the feel of skin-touching-skin while rutting in the garden of aromatic delight. “Appetite” describes your approach to the sexual experience, and yours is rather large and continuous! Stable and loyal, though a bit conservative, you’ll wait for your lover to achieve orgasm, even if it takes some long-term gyrations and other conglomerations. Remember to use lubrication for the long haul! You may not have the most creative mind for trying different techniques, and will need to be open-minded to your partner’s thoughtful suggestions, which are only intended to aid you, and are no reflection on your substantial and juicy sexual prowess.

The Sun Exudes in the Second House
You are a steady, dependable, sensual lover. Sexually and in love, you’ll offer gifts of wine, warm baked bread, dark chocolate, and juicy, tender pieces of meat hand-fed to seduce your loved one. After all, that’s how you would like to be seduced! Maybe throw in a heated oil massage? In bed you are quite attentive and have a strong sexual appetite. Your hunger is not assuaged quickly! You unconsciously react to the scent of your lover’s pheromones more than some folks, and a particular scent can send waves of liquid coursing to your loins. Your partner is a four-course meal that you will be dining on and salivating over, this evening. This could make your partner very, very lucky or very, very tired, depending on variable factors, and what, exactly, is for dessert!

Your Sun powerfully connects (conjuncts) to Flirtatious Mercury
You are a real mental case. To think and to convey your thoughts is the juice of life! Such rhapsody! You have a way with words and can talk a receptive lover into bed with great finesse. Depending where your planets are placed, you must watch out for intellectualizing the emotions, which sort of renders them null and void – a big fat blah. If your lover has occasion to feel that you are being too mouthy or bossy, I would suggest to them to stuff your mouth with assorted body parts to keep you muffled and preoccupied.

Your Sun provokes (opposes) Frosty, Plasmic Neptune
Others tell you lies. It’s just so easy to do, you are so pleasing and willing to believe the wonderful fairy stories they offer you on shiny aluminum platters! Soon you will learn to lie, too, and see how evasive and addictive it is. And thus it goes on… Should you desire another outlet for this energy instead of being helplessly woven into wispy illusory webs with hidden needles, try warming your energy centers (chakras) or doing juicy creative work! You’ll open up amazingly like a flower! Sexually, try intriguing sexual scenarios with your lover. Not only will this give an outlet to the decidedly uncanny energies of this combo, but playing dress up (and dress down), and acting out scenes from your mind and fantasies can really get those sexual hormones pumping god and goddess waters to you and your partner’s delicious nether regions! Warm, heart-centered energy work creates full body sexual experiences, so please experiment with an enthusiastic lover.

The Moon: Feelings, Nurturance and Wetness
Wherever the Moon is placed like an oozing dew drop, is where feelings abound and sometimes run amuck. It’s also where you like to do what feels good to yourself, things that you certainly will do, whether alone or with a lover of great fortitude! When the Moon touches another planet it creates a swirling tropical cocktail of its own milky needs and is to be tasted and experienced with great gooey gusto.

When the Moon powerfully connects (conjunctions), provokes (oppositions), and challenges (squares) the other planets, this tends to give the Moon a more powerfully reactive state (much harder to control!). The flowing (trines) and supporting (sextiles) aspects are soft and dreamy, sometimes in a sweet, mellow way, other times in a lazy, indulgent and chubby way.

“I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.” Unknown

The Moon’s Emotions Undulate in Capricorn
With the Moon in Capricorn, you respond in an earthy and active way to emotional situations. You can appear to be cool and calculating, as you want to be very careful and control emotional transactions that occur around you. You do not want anything to disturb the delicate red, wet heart that you hide inside yourself in an inconspicuous, old yogurt container. This includes sexual control, too, because you want to ensure that the musky honey-love juice drips into your mouth and not onto the floor, thereby becoming a terrible ecological waste! Preferring commitment, you need to feel secure before you let Billy Goat Gruff out to entice the unsuspecting lover walking over the bridge. Great for the long haul, stupendous stamina and lecherous to boot, once comfortable, your sexual, salivating grin will be a glistening, commonplace sight to see when you and your partner are engaging in the Rut of Champions!

The Moon Soaks the Eleventh House
With the Moon in the eleventh house, your feelings are friendly and bright. You find warmth and security in your intimate friends for they bring you great support and love, making your heart sing like one of those orange-colored canaries. You have lots of sweet close chums and revel in their touch. They know they can call you for advice and kisses! You are talented, concerned, and bright in the bedchamber of airy lust. You may be in demand for discreet sexual activities, because you have wonderful healing energy that can stay clear and level headed, thus stabilizing a turbulent, febrile lover-friend. Find a lighthearted partner – smothering mothers turn your face pasty white! You are meant to be friends with your lover so you can explore the ways of flesh together, holding hands.

Your Moon provokes (opposes) Mars’ Sexual Urges
Why is everyone so mad at you? What the heck did you do? You are just sitting here, minding your own business, and suddenly someone’s giving you holy hell just for taking up space! What gives? You’ve got a lot of excess energy, and when you don’t get rid of it or channel it properly, it rattles around in your body and head, and then goes shooting out and splats on your lover, friends, or family. And then they start yelling because it has a peculiar stink to it! To balance yourself out and prevent such happenings, work the large muscle groups on your body until they are stone tired. That means physical activity, sexual or otherwise. Sexually, make your lovely lust sessions last a really long time, so not only will your partner have multi-orgasmic opportunities, but also, you will be blissfully relaxed and peaceful, not to mention quite wet and dopey.

Your Moon powerfully connects (conjuncts) Jupiter’s Abundance
When you love, you give big love! You are the Brother or Sister of Perpetual Indulgence. You have an open, bountiful, loving heart that just doesn’t stop giving. In fact, you give so much you may drown yourself and/or your lover without even realizing it. Someone will have to call the rescue squad. Your emotional reactions can be extreme and overwhelming - you feel pretty strongly about certain things, and this may be a bit intimidating to your partner when the tidal wave hits and washes them out to sea. Think of yourself as a river, and you can decide where to channel the flow. Hopefully, it will be between your delighted partner’s legs.

Your Moon powerfully connects (conjuncts) Saturn’s Restriction
You may have started out sexually, rather shy and inhibited and even frozen. But that ends when you discover a patient, older lover to show you “the ropes”. To swing from them with great finesse – learning all sorts of pleasurable things with different parts of your body, inserted in places you would never have thought could feel so good! Soon you become a teacher yourself, showing others how to learn what goes where, and yes, (you tell your lover), that is an orgasm you just had. You may have more sexual fears than your average Moon God/dess, but do not despair; by exploring these fears and meeting them as a challenge, you will increase your power to the Olympic level! Get to know the whole body, including between the toes, under shadowed armpits, and that smiling nether crack that doth call to you.

Mental Expression
Your mental expression articulates and gesticulates in the birth chart where Mercury is placed, like a mime in a leafy city park. Look at the sign placement, the house placement, and the other planets involved with mischievous mental-case Mercury to see how you will experience your communications and thought processes.

The powerfully connecting (conjunctions), challenging (squares), and provoking (oppositions) aspects tend to give Mercury’s quicksilver tendencies, a laser zap in consciousness. The flowing (trines) and supporting (sextiles) aspects are softer and more laid back, but they also speed the brainiac synaptic environment up to a nice clip!

“Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer,

sex raises some pretty good questions.”

-Woody Allen

Articulating Mercury flirts in Taurus
Mentally you think in a sensible way and have a firm way of speaking. Your thought processes are filled with common sense, and your verbal delivery is deliberate. It is almost like you are feeling the headiness of your own words, savoring them as they pass over your pink tongue, and then passing them on to someone else to sensuously explore in the same manner. It’s next to impossible to get you to change your mind! You like to take your time getting your point across, rumbling when you speak, like a cart on a dirt road. Your voice can be heady and seductive. With development, you could talk your lover out of things like boxers and little bitty G-strings! You are patient with those less intellectually equipped, but demand that others listen to your wise words, since they do come from ancient inscribed tablets!

Mercury’s Intercourse Reverberates in the Second House
With Mercury’s verbal intercourse echoing in your second house, you are careful and thoughtful in your speech. Conversing with others, coming up with new ways to make an intriguing buck, using your working, chugging mind is a sensual experience for you. This kind of activity can be a preliminary to some lusty sex with a little intentional focus, as both sex and money are both so very hot, don’t you think? When lovemaking you interact in a down-to-earth manner with your partner. You are practical, liking to structure things so you know what’s going on, what’s expected of you! Being jolted with a surprise can ruin your mood, quite literally, turning you into a big sourpussy. You have no problem trying new toys or positions, but if you find one you like a lot, you may get stuck there, oblivious to all else. Find a partner that gently moves you out of those old sexual ruts.

Your Mercury challenges (squares) the Uranus Wiggle
You are contrary, just because. You enjoy irritating people with your contrariness, and will do it for a hoot. It’s possible your teasing mouth may have gotten you beat up a few times, in your younger days. You are very intelligent, and look down your long snout with impatience at mental boobies. Restless and breathless, you don’t have time to wait out a slowly maneuvering mind, having much better things to do with your incredibly creative, god-like time. Endeavor to be patient and also find an outlet for your creative, though nervous energies. Sexually, you can play with this energy by challenging yourself and not thinking. Let your lover take over and run the show, insist upon it! Have them tie you to the bedposts, on the floor and await their instructions. Make sure that your lover makes you wait for a good while, teasing and getting you wet, and rectifying all problems as they come up.

Desire and Attraction
Your desire and attraction flower and sweat fragrantly through the birth chart where Venus is placed like a musky perfume. Look at the sign placement, the house placement, and the other planets involved in the Venus pheromonal love dance to see how you will experience your wants and needs, give affections, and gratify your most astounding self!

If you are a woman, Venus shows how you expose your femininity. If you are a man, where Venus is placed is the type that you are attracted to, the type that will make your wand stand at attention and perfection! Venus is also your “Inner Feminine”, waiting to be contacted and explored for healthy emotional balance. (Little secret: A man in contact and working with his inner feminine flower is like a man wearing a sarong or kilt – very charismatic and magnetic!)

When Venus powerfully connects (conjunctions), challenges (squares), or provokes (oppositions) the other planets, she tends to be more feisty and provoking, and has more liveliness to her sexy twitching tail. When Venus flows (trines) with and supports (sextiles) the other planets, she is very soft and creamy, indulgent and lazy. The Butter Queen!

“What is a promiscuous person? It's usually someone who is

getting more sex than you are.” Unknown

Enticing Venus is in Aries
With Venus in Aries, you are fiery and assertive when in love and lust. Passionate and very ardent, you will do the pursuing as it gives a certain flavor to the seduction process that makes it a spicy and lip-smacking dish! Your desire nature burns bright and creative and is filled with enthusiasm. It engulfs you, and you must experience it, now, and not a moment longer! Mad, passionate quickies or a little rough handling can make you bloom like a rose or harden like a barrel cactus. Shout for delirious joy on climax to let the world know how positively turbulent you feel!

Your Venus is frolicking in the First House
With Venus swinging her hips in the first house, you show affection by being assertive and charming. Your warmth is forthright and open, and you mean what you say and say what you mean. You are quite a sexy person, and people pick up on this vibe and want to lie you down and spread your legs open, nice and wide for the excellent visuals this allows. Of course, they are planning on returning the favor shortly! While everyone may have monkish periods in his or her life, when your charm switch is turned “on”, you are pretty hard to resist. Remember that!

Personal Power and Sex Drive
Your personal power and sex drive notifies you of its thrust through the birth chart where Mars is placed like a phallic prong. Look at the sign placement, the house placement, and the other planets involved to see how you will experience the Mars’ battle of competition, assertion, along with the most fa