EroScope
for
Clooney, George
Text
by Astrolabe Inc.
Software
by Ray White
Copyright
® Astrolabe Inc. 2001
Planetary
Positions
Planet Sign Longitude Declination
q Sun is in s Taurus 15` 32' 57" +16` 30' 00"
w Moon is in v Capricorn 27` 58' 20" -17` 42' 00"
e Mercury is in s Taurus 20` 45' 06" +18` 30' 00"
r Venus is in a Aries 13` 04' 16" + 6` 44' 00"
t Mars is in g Leo 0` 08' 43" +21` 54' 00"
y Jupiter is in b Aquarius 6` 33' 38" -18` 59' 00"
u Saturn is in v Capricorn 29` 50' 45" -20` 14' 00"
i Uranus is in g Leo 21` 40' 36" +14` 59' 00"
o Neptune is in x Scorpio 9` 47' 41" -13` 01' 00"
p Pluto is in h Virgo 5` 34' 06" +21` 27' 00"
l N. Node is in h Virgo 2` 42' 26" +10` 31' 00"
j Ascendant is in n Pisces 11` 57' 37" - 7` 05' 00"
k Midheaven is in c Sagittarius 19` 50' 00" -23` 03' 00"
$ Chiron is in n Pisces 6` 07' 32" - 4` 01' 00"
Planetary
Aspects
q Sun is A Conjunct e Mercury The orb is 5` 12'
q Sun is S Opposite o Neptune The orb is 5` 45'
q Sun is G Sextile j Ascendant The orb is
3` 35'
w Moon is S Opposite t Mars The orb is 2` 10'
w Moon is A Conjunct y Jupiter The orb is 8` 35'
w Moon is A Conjunct u Saturn The orb is 1` 52'
w Moon is Z Semisquare j Ascendant The orb
is 1` 01'
e Mercury is D Square i Uranus The orb is 0` 55'
e Mercury is V Quincunx k Midheaven The orb is 0` 55'
r Venus is C Semisextile j Ascendant The orb
is 1` 07'
t Mars is S Opposite u Saturn The orb is 0` 18'
y Jupiter is D Square o Neptune The orb is 3` 14'
y Jupiter is V Quincunx p Pluto The orb is 1` 00'
y Jupiter is Z Semisquare k Midheaven The orb
is 1` 44'
y Jupiter is C Semisextile $ Chiron The
orb is 0` 26'
i Uranus is F Trine k Midheaven The orb is
1` 51'
o Neptune is G Sextile p Pluto The orb is 4` 14'
o Neptune is F Trine j Ascendant The orb is
2` 10'
o Neptune is F Trine $ Chiron The orb is 3` 40'
p Pluto is A Conjunct l N. Node The orb is 2` 52'
p Pluto is S Opposite j Ascendant The orb is
6` 24'
p Pluto is S Opposite $ Chiron The orb is 0` 33'
l N. Node is S Opposite $ Chiron The orb is 3` 25'
$ Chiron is A Conjunct j Ascendant The orb is
5` 50'
Emphasis
in Elements
Fire : rtik Total = 4
Weighted Score = 8
Earth : qweupl Total = 6
Weighted Score = 11
Air : y Total = 1
Weighted Score = 1
Water : oj$ Total = 3
Weighted Score = 4
Emphasis in Modes
Cardinal : wru Total = 3
Weighted Score = 6
Fixed : qetyio Total = 6
Weighted Score = 10
Mutable : pljk$ Total = 5
Weighted Score = 8
Weights
Used Above
Sun = 3 Moon = 3 Mercury = 2 Venus = 2
Mars = 2 Jupiter = 1 Saturn = 1 Uranus = 1
Neptune = 1 Pluto = 1 N.
Node = 1 Ascendant = 3
Midheaven = 3 Chiron = 0
[Disclaimer:
Rated NC-17
If you are looking for a romantic, lovey-dovey astrology report, you won’t
find it within these pages. Please keep
in mind all of the kinky, spirited and feisty remarks you will read are only
intended in the spirit of fun, and are only suggestions for ways to play and
perhaps challenge your boundaries. Feel
free to happily ignore all wet and salacious remarks that do not apply.]
Herein
lies the Gate to your Sexual Self
Its scent is musky and its feel is moist.
Its song is sweet and trembling, feverish and blinding, dark and
tormenting, frigid and cold. If you read
things here that furrow your brow, causing a crease that looks remarkably like
a little man in a boat, this is a sign from the gods that you are about to
learn something momentous! Brace your
buttocks in your chair! Should you not
be in the mood to knock on the limbic door of your inner brain, quickly shut
this report! No one need ever know…
The Building Blocks Of
Your Nature
Hedonistic!
You have a lot of planets in the earth signs in your chart (Virgo, Taurus,
and/or Capricorn). Practical and loaded
with common sense, and also with a heavy dusting of carnality, you revel in the
senses. Sex is a voluptuous experience,
like rolling in a mud puddle and getting slippery and wet and very lush. Foods, smells, and touch affect you
deeply. While there may not be too much
romanticism in your approach, your partner’s desires will not be wanting in the
physical arena! You may tend to get
stuck in ruts, and will need an imaginative partner to encourage you to try new
positions or circumstances in the game of hot tamale sex.
Fresh and simple!
You don’t have very many planets in the air signs in your chart (Gemini, Libra,
and/or Aquarius). With not much air, you
receive lots of your knowledge intuitively, like Einstein, with the manual,
cranking mental process actually blocking that great right brain flow. Rely on touch and feel and your intuition, to
guide you and give you ideas on how to proceed sexually and otherwise. Deliberate, eyeball-crossing thinking will
only slow down the works! Tune into your
partner’s feelings and sensations and ideas that suddenly pop into your head
and, using that as a gauge, increase or decrease the intensity of your sexual
applications. You may not appreciate a
partner who has steady conversation going on during sex. A brown paper bag over the head is a helpful
tactic.
Your Scent is
Perfectly Balanced and Aromatic.
You have planets evenly dispersed throughout the modalities. Fixed energy - steady, firm, regular – just
like we wish our bowels would be; cardinal energy – self-starting, busy, pushy
energy – too restless for real long term work, but great for enthusiasm and
starting up; and mutable energy – flexible, adaptable, a real good worker
bee. With these energies balanced in
your chart, you are the perfect person.
Everyone wants you! You have a
nice balance of steadiness and solidity for long term relationships, enough
aggression to pick up a hot, steamy piece of meat, and some nice flexibility
for all those pretzel shapes and eccentric ideas a person may wish to
investigate during a night of steamy lovemaking.
THE SIGN ON THE
ASCENDANT: Your Animal Skin
The Ascendant in your chart, (otherwise known affectionately to this
astrologer as “the Rising Sign”) is your own native animal skin you wear about
your shoulders and through which you physically face the world. It is the sign that was spreading out its
earthly influence all over the horizon, opening its legs and scenting you with
its own musky peculiarities when you were born.
This paints your personality with colorful symbols, richness and a
certain vibratory chemistry.
“Excuse me while I slip into someone more
comfortable.” Unknown
Your Animal Skin is
in Pisces.
You are the sensitive, malleable lover, who places the lover on an exquisite
pedestal of aquamarines and diamonds, glittering so it makes you blink and weep
at the perfection. You will do whatever
this angel wishes, matter how abusive or nasty, and always forgive. Thus you may end up in rather uncomfortable
situations involving bondage, abuse, or occult domination. As you have a hard time opening your mouth to
state your needs, no one really knows or cares what you want, because they get
so much from taking advantage of your extreme kindness and eternal giving. Spiritually, you are the bodhisattva and are
here to serve your brothers and sisters.
The
Sun: That Radiating Warmth
You radiate heat, which warms up the birth chart where the Sun is placed
like a honey-amber shaft of super-intelligence.
It throbs and energizes everything it touches within the spectrum you
call Yourself. To see how the Sun plays,
fights and dances within the essence of You, look to the other planets and angles
and the house where the Sun has taken up residence, to see what feverish and
egocentric interactions are occurring in your baby cells.
When the energizing Sun
powerfully connects (conjunctions), challenges (squares), and provokes
(oppositions) the other planets, there is a tendency to energize the Sun in a
vigorous manner so that your ego sits heavy and fat in the saddle. When the exuding Sun flows (trines) and
supports (sextiles) the other planets, it gives warmth and confidence and a
natural ebullience that can warm cold tootsies.
“Nature
produces the greatest results with the simplest means.
These
are simply the sun, flowers, water, and love.”
-Heinrich
Heine
Your Warm, Radiating
Sun is in Taurus
Your vital and energetic glow is earthy and slow. You like to ponder before acting, and you
like to ponder the feel of skin-touching-skin while rutting in the garden of
aromatic delight. “Appetite” describes
your approach to the sexual experience, and yours is rather large and
continuous! Stable and loyal, though a
bit conservative, you’ll wait for your lover to achieve orgasm, even if it
takes some long-term gyrations and other conglomerations. Remember to use lubrication for the long
haul! You may not have the most creative
mind for trying different techniques, and will need to be open-minded to your
partner’s thoughtful suggestions, which are only intended to aid you, and are
no reflection on your substantial and juicy sexual prowess.
The Sun Exudes in the
Second House
You are a steady, dependable, sensual lover.
Sexually and in love, you’ll offer gifts of wine, warm baked bread, dark
chocolate, and juicy, tender pieces of meat hand-fed to seduce your loved one. After all, that’s how you would like to be
seduced! Maybe throw in a heated oil
massage? In bed you are quite attentive
and have a strong sexual appetite. Your
hunger is not assuaged quickly! You
unconsciously react to the scent of your lover’s pheromones more than some
folks, and a particular scent can send waves of liquid coursing to your
loins. Your partner is a four-course
meal that you will be dining on and salivating over, this evening. This could make your partner very, very lucky
or very, very tired, depending on variable factors, and what, exactly, is for
dessert!
Your Sun powerfully
connects (conjuncts) to Flirtatious Mercury
You are a real mental case. To think and
to convey your thoughts is the juice of life!
Such rhapsody! You have a way
with words and can talk a receptive lover into bed with great finesse. Depending where your planets are placed, you
must watch out for intellectualizing the emotions, which sort of renders them
null and void – a big fat blah. If your
lover has occasion to feel that you are being too mouthy or bossy, I would
suggest to them to stuff your mouth with assorted body parts to keep you
muffled and preoccupied.
Your Sun provokes
(opposes) Frosty, Plasmic Neptune
Others tell you lies. It’s just so easy
to do, you are so pleasing and willing to believe the wonderful fairy stories
they offer you on shiny aluminum platters!
Soon you will learn to lie, too, and see how evasive and addictive it
is. And thus it goes on… Should you
desire another outlet for this energy instead of being helplessly woven into
wispy illusory webs with hidden needles, try warming your energy centers
(chakras) or doing juicy creative work!
You’ll open up amazingly like a flower!
Sexually, try intriguing sexual scenarios with your lover. Not only will this give an outlet to the
decidedly uncanny energies of this combo, but playing dress up (and dress
down), and acting out scenes from your mind and fantasies can really get those
sexual hormones pumping god and goddess waters to you and your partner’s
delicious nether regions! Warm,
heart-centered energy work creates full body sexual experiences, so please
experiment with an enthusiastic lover.
The
Moon: Feelings, Nurturance and Wetness
Wherever the Moon is placed like an oozing dew drop, is where feelings
abound and sometimes run amuck. It’s
also where you like to do what feels good to yourself, things that you
certainly will do, whether alone or with a lover of great fortitude! When the Moon touches another planet it
creates a swirling tropical cocktail of its own milky needs and is to be tasted
and experienced with great gooey gusto.
When the Moon powerfully
connects (conjunctions), provokes (oppositions), and challenges (squares) the
other planets, this tends to give the Moon a more powerfully reactive state
(much harder to control!). The flowing
(trines) and supporting (sextiles) aspects are soft and dreamy, sometimes in a
sweet, mellow way, other times in a lazy, indulgent and chubby way.
“I
think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.” Unknown
The Moon’s Emotions
Undulate in Capricorn
With the Moon in Capricorn, you respond in an earthy and active way to
emotional situations. You can appear to
be cool and calculating, as you want to be very careful and control emotional
transactions that occur around you. You
do not want anything to disturb the delicate red, wet heart that you hide
inside yourself in an inconspicuous, old yogurt container. This includes sexual control, too, because
you want to ensure that the musky honey-love juice drips into your mouth and
not onto the floor, thereby becoming a terrible ecological waste! Preferring commitment, you need to feel
secure before you let Billy Goat Gruff out to entice the unsuspecting lover
walking over the bridge. Great for the
long haul, stupendous stamina and lecherous to boot, once comfortable, your
sexual, salivating grin will be a glistening, commonplace sight to see when you
and your partner are engaging in the Rut of Champions!
The Moon Soaks the
Eleventh House
With the Moon in the eleventh house, your feelings are friendly and
bright. You find warmth and security in
your intimate friends for they bring you great support and love, making your
heart sing like one of those orange-colored canaries. You have lots of sweet close chums and revel
in their touch. They know they can call
you for advice and kisses! You are
talented, concerned, and bright in the bedchamber of airy lust. You may be in demand for discreet sexual
activities, because you have wonderful healing energy that can stay clear and
level headed, thus stabilizing a turbulent, febrile lover-friend. Find a lighthearted partner – smothering
mothers turn your face pasty white! You
are meant to be friends with your lover so you can explore the ways of flesh
together, holding hands.
Your Moon provokes
(opposes) Mars’ Sexual Urges
Why is everyone so mad at you? What the
heck did you do? You are just sitting
here, minding your own business, and suddenly someone’s giving you holy hell
just for taking up space! What
gives? You’ve got a lot of excess
energy, and when you don’t get rid of it or channel it properly, it rattles
around in your body and head, and then goes shooting out and splats on your
lover, friends, or family. And then they
start yelling because it has a peculiar stink to it! To balance yourself out and prevent such
happenings, work the large muscle groups on your body until they are stone
tired. That means physical activity,
sexual or otherwise. Sexually, make your
lovely lust sessions last a really long time, so not only will your partner
have multi-orgasmic opportunities, but also, you will be blissfully relaxed and
peaceful, not to mention quite wet and dopey.
Your Moon powerfully
connects (conjuncts) Jupiter’s Abundance
When you love, you give big love! You
are the Brother or Sister of Perpetual Indulgence. You have an open, bountiful, loving heart
that just doesn’t stop giving. In fact,
you give so much you may drown yourself and/or your lover without even
realizing it. Someone will have to call
the rescue squad. Your emotional
reactions can be extreme and overwhelming - you feel pretty strongly about
certain things, and this may be a bit intimidating to your partner when the
tidal wave hits and washes them out to sea.
Think of yourself as a river, and you can decide where to channel the
flow. Hopefully, it will be between your
delighted partner’s legs.
Your Moon powerfully
connects (conjuncts) Saturn’s Restriction
You may have started out sexually, rather shy and inhibited and even
frozen. But that ends when you discover
a patient, older lover to show you “the ropes”.
To swing from them with great finesse – learning all sorts of
pleasurable things with different parts of your body, inserted in places you
would never have thought could feel so good!
Soon you become a teacher yourself, showing others how to learn what
goes where, and yes, (you tell your lover), that is an orgasm you just
had. You may have more sexual fears than
your average Moon God/dess, but do not despair; by exploring these fears and
meeting them as a challenge, you will increase your power to the Olympic
level! Get to know the whole body,
including between the toes, under shadowed armpits, and that smiling nether
crack that doth call to you.
Mental
Expression
Your mental expression articulates and gesticulates in the birth chart where
Mercury is placed, like a mime in a leafy city park. Look at the sign placement, the house
placement, and the other planets involved with mischievous mental-case Mercury
to see how you will experience your communications and thought processes.
The powerfully
connecting (conjunctions), challenging (squares), and provoking (oppositions)
aspects tend to give Mercury’s quicksilver tendencies, a laser zap in
consciousness. The flowing (trines) and
supporting (sextiles) aspects are softer and more laid back, but they also
speed the brainiac synaptic environment up to a nice clip!
“Love
is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer,
sex
raises some pretty good questions.”
-Woody
Allen
Articulating Mercury
flirts in Taurus
Mentally you think in a sensible way and have a firm way of speaking. Your thought processes are filled with common
sense, and your verbal delivery is deliberate.
It is almost like you are feeling the headiness of your own words,
savoring them as they pass over your pink tongue, and then passing them on to
someone else to sensuously explore in the same manner. It’s next to impossible to get you to change
your mind! You like to take your time
getting your point across, rumbling when you speak, like a cart on a dirt
road. Your voice can be heady and
seductive. With development, you could
talk your lover out of things like boxers and little bitty G-strings! You are patient with those less intellectually
equipped, but demand that others listen to your wise words, since they do come
from ancient inscribed tablets!
Mercury’s Intercourse
Reverberates in the Second House
With Mercury’s verbal intercourse echoing in your second house, you are careful
and thoughtful in your speech.
Conversing with others, coming up with new ways to make an intriguing
buck, using your working, chugging mind is a sensual experience for you. This kind of activity can be a preliminary to
some lusty sex with a little intentional focus, as both sex and money are both
so very hot, don’t you think? When
lovemaking you interact in a down-to-earth manner with your partner. You are practical, liking to structure things
so you know what’s going on, what’s expected of you! Being jolted with a surprise can ruin your
mood, quite literally, turning you into a big sourpussy. You have no problem trying new toys or
positions, but if you find one you like a lot, you may get stuck there,
oblivious to all else. Find a partner
that gently moves you out of those old sexual ruts.
Your Mercury
challenges (squares) the Uranus Wiggle
You are contrary, just because. You
enjoy irritating people with your contrariness, and will do it for a hoot. It’s possible your teasing mouth may have
gotten you beat up a few times, in your younger days. You are very intelligent, and look down your
long snout with impatience at mental boobies.
Restless and breathless, you don’t have time to wait out a slowly
maneuvering mind, having much better things to do with your incredibly
creative, god-like time. Endeavor to be
patient and also find an outlet for your creative, though nervous
energies. Sexually, you can play with
this energy by challenging yourself and not thinking. Let your lover take over and run the show,
insist upon it! Have them tie you to the
bedposts, on the floor and await their instructions. Make sure that your lover makes you wait for
a good while, teasing and getting you wet, and rectifying all problems as they
come up.
Desire
and Attraction
Your desire and attraction flower and sweat fragrantly through the birth
chart where Venus is placed like a musky perfume. Look at the sign placement, the house
placement, and the other planets involved in the Venus pheromonal love dance to
see how you will experience your wants and needs, give affections, and gratify
your most astounding self!
If you are a woman,
Venus shows how you expose your femininity.
If you are a man, where Venus is placed is the type that you are
attracted to, the type that will make your wand stand at attention and
perfection! Venus is also your “Inner
Feminine”, waiting to be contacted and explored for healthy emotional
balance. (Little secret: A man in
contact and working with his inner feminine flower is like a man wearing a
sarong or kilt – very charismatic and magnetic!)
When Venus powerfully
connects (conjunctions), challenges (squares), or provokes (oppositions) the
other planets, she tends to be more feisty and provoking, and has more
liveliness to her sexy twitching tail.
When Venus flows (trines) with and supports (sextiles) the other
planets, she is very soft and creamy, indulgent and lazy. The Butter Queen!
“What
is a promiscuous person? It's usually
someone who is
getting
more sex than you are.” Unknown
Enticing Venus is in
Aries
With Venus in Aries, you are fiery and assertive when in love and lust. Passionate and very ardent, you will do the
pursuing as it gives a certain flavor to the seduction process that makes it a spicy
and lip-smacking dish! Your desire
nature burns bright and creative and is filled with enthusiasm. It engulfs you, and you must experience it,
now, and not a moment longer! Mad,
passionate quickies or a little rough handling can make you bloom like a rose
or harden like a barrel cactus. Shout
for delirious joy on climax to let the world know how positively turbulent you
feel!
Your Venus is
frolicking in the First House
With Venus swinging her hips in the first house, you show affection by being assertive
and charming. Your warmth is forthright
and open, and you mean what you say and say what you mean. You are quite a sexy person, and people pick
up on this vibe and want to lie you down and spread your legs open, nice and
wide for the excellent visuals this allows.
Of course, they are planning on returning the favor shortly! While everyone may have monkish periods in
his or her life, when your charm switch is turned “on”, you are pretty hard to
resist. Remember that!
Personal
Power and Sex Drive
Your personal power and sex drive notifies you of its thrust through the
birth chart where Mars is placed like a phallic prong. Look at the sign placement, the house
placement, and the other planets involved to see how you will experience the
Mars’ battle of competition, assertion, along with the most favored rutting of
champions!
If you are a man, Mars
signifies your exuberant masculinity. If
you are a woman, where Mars is placed is the type that you are attracted to,
the type that will make your jade gate open, your flower bloom. Mars is also your “Inner Male”, waiting to be
contacted and explored for healthy emotional balance. (Little secret: A woman in contact and working
with her inner male cocky ya-ya is incredibly sexy and magnetic!)
The planets that
powerfully connect (conjunctions), challenge (squares), and provoke
(oppositions) Mars, make him strong-willed and self- oriented (unless paired
with Neptune). Like Zena or Hercules,
the warrior stands vigorously! The
planets that flow (trines) and support (sextiles) tone down Mars’ gnashing
teeth and manifest a more balanced and less rough use of these ambitious,
squirting energies. This all depends on
which planet chooses to combine with Mars and his sexual grapple to the
pinnacle!
“Sticks
and stone may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me” Unknown
Mars’ Sexual Urge
rises in Leo
With Mars in Leo, you express your sexual energy in a playful, dramatic
way. Confident and creative, swaggering
and cocky, you make yourself known to all.
You are expressive and open and will shout with laughter or yell with
passion, if the moment calls for it. You
need to be praised for your unbelievable passionate performance, and will sulk
and withhold from your lover (not to mention beat them with a wet noodle!) if
it is not forthcoming. Should, however,
your partner be intuitive enough to shower you with eloquent and juicy praise,
she or he can be sure to receive many puddle-filled, sheet-drenching moments in
gratitude from you, the big Kahuna!
Mars’ Sexual Urge
beats in the Fifth House
With Mars in the fifth house, your sexual energy plays out in a joyful,
competitive way. You have creation
energy thrumming in your veins! You can
create all sorts of interesting specimens (books, art, music), including feisty
children that won’t give you a moment’s rest!
Good god! Unfettered by guilt and
other such nonsense, you leap into sexual affairs (of which there are many)
with fervor, passion and delight. Not
only that, you are fun in bed! Sex is an
impetuous sport with much spirited capering going on, creative games being
played, like “Where shall we hide the Ben-Wa balls?” And then, “You’re getting
cold…colder…hot!” Constricting
commitments and serious, burdensome partners will put out your beaming light,
which is to be greatly appreciated (and played with).
Your Mars provokes
(opposes) Saturn’s Restriction
You have a push and pull thing going on in your soft body. "Go, go, go!" it says, while forces
you can't control, stop, stop, stop you.
Frustration can abound, including, at times, non-reactive sex organs and
constipation. "What is the problem
with them?" you think, as you beat them mercilessly one minute, and cradle
them the next, chug-a-lugging the laxatives.
Realize that there is a connection between your sexual organs and the
heart, and until this is activated, you, special person, are doomed to
periodically walk around with steel pants.
Once you have made this stunning discovery and implemented the heated
energetic action, things will stay moving and flowing, with your
attention. Then it becomes a conscious
dance that manifests your ambitions sweetly!
In the sexual arena, tap your bottom.
Tap it with your trusty finger or tap it with something else. This area can become easily blocked and
irritable, and people tend to veer away from it in an amusing, though sad
way. Sexually, endeavor to show your
sensitive, vulnerable side to your lover, because that’s is really where the
heart and soul of Real Sex comes from.
Optimism
and Abundance
Your optimism and abundance deliver the spiritual and material goods in the
birth chart where Jupiter is placed like an overstuffed and magnanimous Titan,
secret gifts of plenty spilling from his pockets, making a prodigious mess
around his feet. Look at the sign
placement, the house placement, and the other planets involved in Jupiter’s
broad-minded search for the sensual meaning of existence, to see how you will
experience your own optimism and cell-expanding abundance (and also the
twinkling light on your spiritual path).
Jupiter powerfully
connecting (conjunctions), challenging (squares), and provoking (oppositions)
the other planets tend to magnify Jupiter’s generous mood in an intoxicating,
bloated manner. When Jupiter is flowing (trines)
or supporting (sextiles) the other planets there is an excessive swelling as
well, in a sweeter lazy way, like a nudge on a couch, eyes half-closed, mind
pleasantly buzzing, stomach stuffed with burritos and beer.
“I
generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.”
-Mae
West
Jupiter’s Abundance
spills in Aquarius
Your enthusiasm has a futuristic intelligence to it, dropped down into this
century from a little space pod, and is a brilliant, startling spirit! The gift of Jupiter for you is growth through
experiencing the interpretation of the unfathomable and far out ideas that
flood your heated brain, so others can understand and perceive at their own
level. Sexually, your open mind allows
unheard of sexual techniques to filter down into your noggin from the cosmos,
begging to be experimented posthaste!
Jupiter’s Optimism
pours into the Eleventh House
Inspiration expresses itself in you with a humanitarian, friendly manner. Jovial and caring, your friends and
colleagues receive your rainbow blessings of healing. It is energy that seeks the bonding and
intimacy of friendship and derives great joy and companionship from this
expression. (So much joy can dampen your
jeans, too!) Giving of this great generosity
to your friends and colleagues when in need, is your task to perform, and even
if it is in the form of sexual healing, you must give all that gusto that
resides in your big heart! What could be
wrong with that?
Your Jupiter
challenges (squares) Frosty, Plasmic Neptune
You have a spiritual heart, way down there, at the bottom of the ocean, in your
seaworthy salty cells. It beats a
mystical beat, setting a tom- tom note into your bones. There, you feel strongly, true bliss awaits
you. Deception is the name of the game,
so keep your channels free and clear, by doing frequent body “washes” and
keeping your motives creative, spiritual, and practical. Sexually, all is divine, if you skip the
drugs, wine and food, and head immediately towards experiencing whole body sex
via the energy centers or chakras. This
is where it at, man! You must get them
going first, of course, warming them up, so that soon they respond to your call
in a Pavlovian sense, spinning in their heated way with a mere touch of your fine,
sensitive mind.
Patience
and Persistence
Your patience and persistence plod ever onwards through the birth chart
where Saturn is placed like a Big Daddy, stubbornly insisting on work and
responsibility, the old curmudgeon! Look
at the sign placement, the house placement, and the other planets involved in
Saturn’s authoritative, restrictive policies to see how you will experience
your need for discipline and manifest great endurance. This includes being mentally flogged
occasionally – by yourself and others – so you get the message! (Don’t worry, it all works out in the end.)
The powerfully
connecting (conjunctions), challenging (squares), and provoking (oppositions)
aspects tend to bust Saturn’s iron nuggets, (or yours!), causing frustration
and tension but also making available great endurance and fortitude. The flowing (trines) and supporting
(sextiles) aspects soften the frustration and tension, letting things work
together rather well in a steady, productive and practical manner, giving a decent
share of self-control to aid in the manifestation of sexual (and otherwise)
successes.
“Sexual
harassment will not be reported, but it will be graded.”
-Anonymous
Saturn ties you down
in Capricorn
You respond to structure and limitation in an assertive and practical way. Your worldly ambition and authority are a
sore spot, a point of great insecurity for you, though you manage cover this up
by working twice as hard and responsibly as anyone else works! Can’t the powers-that-be see that? Sexually, you know how to make a sexual
commitment and stick to it, even if your lover is in a coma! You are baffled and annoyed and deeply
scarred with those lovers who are flighty and unpredictable and cheat on your most
dignified and worthy self.
Saturn has you under
Eleventh House Arrest
Responsibility and limitations express themselves in your choice of friends and
colleagues. You feel shy and vulnerable
in the area of friends and colleagues, and have a difficult time making new
acquaintances, because you are very serious about such things as friends. The friends you do have are treated with
respect and appreciation, and you aren’t one for shallow flouncing around
amongst contacts. You feel a
responsibility to your friends and are there when they need you, by golly! Nevertheless, you should endeavor to get over
your fears. You have much to offer
others, and need to make an extra sweating effort to connect more. Force yourself! This house is sometimes seen as the house of
impersonal sexual healing by some astrologers, and there is not a paradigm
(road map) for such a thing on society’s ledger books. (Mores the pity.) Therefore, explore without judgements, take
notes for future generations, and remember, sex with dear, close friends is
very healing and warm, not just for your friends, but for you too.
Individuality
and Independence
There is a natural life energy that is sexual and lies coiled and resting at
the base of the spine. This is called
Kundalini. Some astrologers believe the
planet Uranus is representative of this energy.
When Kundalini is triggered gently (or forcefully), it flows up your
spinal cord, through the chakras or energy centers and meridians, unless
blocked. Briefly, when blocked, it can
cause disease and/or physical, emotional, mental or spiritual problems.
Kundalini and Uranian
energy is a sexual, creative, electromagnetic synaptic energy that keeps our
electrons twisting and sacredly dancing the night away! It has an abstract, far out influence that is
filled with spontaneous genius and creates a big sky mind (expansive). It deserves to be cleaned vigorously and
grounded on a regular basis so our eyes are lit from within…
Look at the sign
placement, the house placement, and the other planets that are electrified in
aspect by Uranus. The powerfully
connecting (conjunctions), challenging (squares), and provoking (oppositions)
aspects tend to create a hyper-wiggling or nervy energy that is hard to contain
and needs lots of freedom to exist in its space. The flowing (trines) and supporting
(sextiles) aspects intertwine together better, but still create a Uranian
current that pulsates the airwaves and your nervous system, zapping
consciousness with overflowing, lightening intelligence.
“Like
a fierce wind roaring high up in the bare branches of trees,
a
wave of passion came over me, aimless but surging…
I
suppose it’s lust but it’s awful and holy like thunder and lightning and the
wind.”
-Joanna
Field
Your Uranus Swings in
Leo!
Your generation’s sexual kundalini energy is powerful and bright, like a cop’s
heavy flashlight directed into your eyes.
Blinding when you aren’t ready!
Your spinal cord, once grounded and triggered gently, can create a
powerful sense of inner expansiveness, and also a personal intimate awareness
and exquisite touch with the Higher Self.
You need large amounts of sunlight for continuous stimulation and good
health. View the Northern Lights if you
can! At the very least, take a lot of
walks outside on sunny days, “Sacred Sun walks” as the intention. Find a large, warm flat rock in a secret
place, in the sun. Lie on it naked and
show Mr. Sun how pretty your genitals are and how wondrous they work!
Uranus is taking
liberties in your Sixth House!
Independence, eccentricities, and sudden change exhibit themselves in your
routine tasks. Everyday duties are
filled with stupendous insights and rollicking ideas! Role playing and dress up, cracking the whip,
and setting up fantastic or weird scenes, is actually a good outlet for when
energy is rigid and unbending. Kundalini
exercise: Find some soft, fertile, brown earth to place your naked bottom
upon. Using red St. John’s Wort oil, rub in a circular or spiral
pattern upon you and your partner’s sacrum.
Perform sex as a sacred ritual to stimulate your power with planned
exercises on each other’s bodies, while listening to drumming music. With your attention on your heart area, go to
the far out places the energy takes you.
Creativity
and Illusion
Your creativity and illusion exude forth through the birth chart where
Neptune is placed, like a vibrational bath with oily colors fluctuating and
shifting over the surface. Look at the
sign placement, the house placement, and the other planets involved in
Neptune’s weeping rainbow of inspiration and foolishness, to see how you will
experience your creativity and illusion.
Musical, mystical and dancerly, Neptune escapes the reality of this
world in many ways, including sleepiness, drugs, and instants of insanity and
autism.
The powerfully
connecting (conjunctions), challenging (squares), and provoking (oppositions)
aspects tend to diffuse and confuse (read: denial) normal planetary energy
patterns, though they do give extraordinary shots of colorful, mystical and
creative experiences! The flowing
(trines) and supporting (sextiles) aspects are deceptive and hypnotizing, in a
lazy, glazed, but inspiring way. Neptune
does not respond to the usual practical applications the other planets do. Neptune does respond to (and loves!) warm,
energetic work on the body (which can be done through chakra/energy center
work), creative endeavors (ah, music!), and mystical experiences, which are
excellent channels for it’s very magical and sweetly psychotic vibrations.
"Lovers,
to bed; 'tis almost fairy time."
--A
Midsummer Night's Dream
-Act
5, Scene 1
Neptune’s Beguiling
Bubble is in Scorpio
Your generation’s sexual idealism and sexual receptivity is deep and profoundly
moved by the sexual experience in a usually foolish mystical way that has no
basis in reality, but you are the last to find out! Still, the spiritual-sexual opportunity is
there, like the lingering scent of a lily.
Be careful whom you exchange bodily fluids with, the essence stays with
you for a long, long time, sometimes festering in a rather yucky way. You approach your wildly creative dreams in a
controlling and manipulative way, but must learn to let go of them so that full
sexual gratification can occur.
Neptune’s Silvery
Whistles are heard in your Eighth House
Sexual fantasies and idealization play themselves out in your sexual
experiences. Perhaps you think you are
having orgasms, but you aren’t. Or,
perhaps you are having orgasms, but haven’t realized it yet! You can put your sexual experience on a
mystical pedestal of foolishness, blissed out in Nirvana while your partner is
sneaking peaks at Hee Haw playing on the tube.
There is a yearning for a deep spiritual-sexual melding and exchange,
into the cells of your partner and back again.
A veritable vibe wash! Do realize
that exchanging body fluids with another psychically ties you to them for many,
many years. Sometimes that is nice, but
sometimes it stinks to high heaven.
Your Neptune supports
(sextiles) Simmering Pluto
A generational aspect that goes on for a trillion years (just kidding), it
operates in the background unnoticed unless it touches a sensitive genitalia
point on your lovely, pulsating body. At
that point, you would feel certain effects taking place at a deep inner core,
where a huge light-filled quilting bee is taking place, amongst the spirits and
guides that hang out with you. No one
will notice these happenings, maybe not even you, especially if you are doused
heavily with food, alcohol or drugs (you know, the normal human
condition). This miniature, magical
Mardi Gras is actually occurring in your DNA, in the spiraling helixes of the
gods. There, the helixes twist and turn
to a vibrational song humans cannot normally hear; creating new, unbelievable
strands that signify outstanding cosmic perceptions undiscovered by little
dweeby men in their white, flapping lab coats.
Short (or long) periods of autism or insanity manifest, and then, should
your consciousness survive intact, evolution takes place with a soft,
unnoticeable, undulating pop.
Pluto:
The Ultimate Orgasm, That Old Black Magic
Transformation and change rumble forth through the birth chart where Pluto
seethes like a nuclear vault. Look at
the sign placement, the house placement, and the other planets involved in
Pluto’s scalding cauldron of death and birth, to see how you will experience
transformation and change and test your boundaries. Pluto experiences can be painful because of
the change and truth involved, yet Pluto is really your Secret Santa. Look for his gifts when the smoky, sulfuric
air has cleared. Look under rocks, in
between legs, and where the raven flies.
The powerfully
connecting (conjunctions), challenging (squares), and provoking (oppositions)
aspects tend fester and then spew forth in a powerful, controlling manner when
in Pluto’s scaly arms. The flowing
(trines) and supporting (sextiles) aspects soften and smooth Pluto’s
continuous, controlling hold. Pluto
wants your vulnerability. He also wants
you to let go of that which you compulsively grip most deeply. Your primal scream will be heard throughout
the galaxy when you finally do…
“Anything
will give up its secrets if you love it enough.”
(George
Washington Carver [1864-1943])
Pluto Rumbles in
Virgo
Your generation’s sexual transformation will come about through intense,
holistic healing of the mind-body-soul, with great awareness of the moment and
cellular wholeness. Anything that brings
you sharply into focus of the hear-and-now in an almost painfully pleasing way
is a particularly provocative approach to get at those sexual fears and
blockages faster than a speeding bullet!
Sacred approach to sexuality is a major vibrational key for you.
Pluto is Seething
within your Sixth House
Sexual power games and transformation can take place in your place of work, or
the way you give service to others. Your
boss may sexually harass you, or give you promotions based on your ability to
give oral sex on call, or do his or her petty errands. You may do many things for others,
consciously or unconsciously, to keep them tied to you in gratitude. You will know if you do this, if you find
yourself getting pissed off at others when they do not show their appreciation
for what you have done for them, so very nicely. You give supreme sexual service to your
lover, in a careful, almost ritualistic and knowledgeable way, with your lover
being the quivering, slippery recipient of your wildly indecent manipulations!
Your Pluto powerfully
connects (conjuncts) the Sociable Karmic Nodes
Your Quest in this life is to transform others with your extra special
experience and dark but positive pricking and probing skills. When you were born, the dakinis gave you a
shaman’s knife to operate first on yourself and then others’ psyches; and also
a surfboard, to ride the constant change (and sometimes trauma) that assails
you in this life. So - learn how to surf
– that’s when the cool things will really start happening! Lightening up and letting go is an important skill
to learn. Sexually, you like to explore
the depths of emotion and response, tweaking you and your lover’s buttons
valiantly. You like to see how close to
the edge of the sexual abyss you can go without falling off, but you invariably
do fall off, now and then, taking your lover with you, down into the frothing
waves below.
The End
and The Beginning
Well, you’re all done now! And how do
you feel? Why don’t you do a spot
check? First, check your breathing
rate. It should be relaxed and very
warm. How does your brain feel? Is it a bit tweaked? How about your beating heart? Put your hand there for a moment and make it
warm with your mind. Do your armpits
smell musky, like pine? What’s going on
in your shady nether regions?
Now go pour all the rosy
red love in your heart into someone else’s heart area for five minutes, at
least once a day. Keep it a secret – no
telling! A stranger or a friend - pick
one. Do it as a visualization and then
forget about it. Do it for a month and
watch how your body and your life heat up dramatically and sweetly, overflowing
like a frothy rosy wave. You will be
licking your lips happily all the merry day and your eyes will shine with
otherworldly light. People will want to
touch you and you will want to touch others…
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